Briefs

Kids mumble. Did you know that? They slur their words together. They can turn an entire sentence into two syllables. True story.

In class, a particularly bad mumbler wanted to answer a question. He kept yelling "Me! Me! Cago?! Cago?!"

Note the first: the phrase "me cagó" roughly translates as "I shat myself."

Note the second: I finally figured out that he was saying "Can I go?"

Note the third: I have a native speaker in that class.

Note the fourth: We were laughing our asses off and nobody else could figure out what was so funny. They must have missed that particular vocabulary list. Highly inappropriate, very funny. Especially from this kid.


On a totally different note, how many damn times did John Edwards use the phrase "Bush, Cheney, and the Neocons" during tonight's debate*? One too many for my taste, that's for sure. Four years ago I found him mildly interesting. Now he's just annoying.

There was something else, but lord knows what it was. My brain is fried. For the first time in a while, I'm not so much looking forward to getting up and going to work tomorrow. I just want to curl up in bed with a bottle of Nyquil.


*Not a debate. It's a forum. A debate has two sides, not eight. Quit calling it a debate, Anderson Cooper. You know you were already on my shit list. Get it? Shit list? This post has a theme. Awesome.

The Hills are Alive!

I witnessed the craziest thing today at work. My kids are putting on a concert, and we were all invited to watch the dress rehearsal today. I went, since I couldn't make it to the concert tonight. I went, prepared for the typical middle school fare. I was totally blown away.

My seventh grade boys, who are the most ridiculous set of humans I've ever met (with perhaps the exception of my sixth grade boys), were *so* into this singing thing. They were up on stage, feet plated shoulder width apart, hands at the sides, occasionally tapping a toe or bobbing a head to the beat. Their mouths were open wide, their attention was totally focused, they were putting all kinds of effort into this.

They were so off-key, it wasn't even funny. They're twelve. They have no idea how to sing high or low, where their voices can reach and where they can't, and matching a pitch can be a challenge. When their director says "with enthusiasm," they amp it up by nearly shouting. It was the funniest thing to watch. I was absolutely loving it.

I have never, ever seen that group of boys so focused on anything that wasn't a sport or a girl. Never. But there they were, singing their hearts out, and having a great time doing it. It was such a great sight. I clapped for them until my hands hurt. The girls were hooting and hollering, and the teachers were just beaming. I was so proud of them. So proud. I had nothing to do with the concert, but I was proud that these boys were my students.

The big kicker? Their best song: "Eat It" by Weird Al Yankovic. Not kidding. They were loving it. Somewhere under all that bravado and bad hair are some very cool kids.

Sorry, no cherry blossoms here

ah, sinus headache
harbinger of doom returns
dripping green mucous

Tylenol Sinus
lurking behind the counter
at the local Walgreen's

welcome drugs, bringing
sweet oblivion of sleep
drool on my pillow

oh, boy

What a freaking day. Tank is sick, had to get a sub, had to go into work to make plans, had to take her with me, the sub was a total fucking wack job, I'm way over my head with grading, didn't get much done today because I had a feverish sleeping lump on my arm, Husband is sick and I gave him some Tylenol Sinus and he passed out on the couch. I came out and found him sound asleep on the couch, holding the Bear's chapter book, and she was just sitting next to him, watching the football game, waiting for someone to come put her to bed. Geez, what a day.

Speaking of Bears, she is totally three now. Oh, is she three. And she's good at it. The fits are world-class. The silliness is in full effect - not just the baby silly, but the purposeful acting like a goon silly that little kids do that I find so annoying. Baby talk, toilet humor, random gibberish, you name it. So obnoxious. I could just sit on her some days. Seriously.

And it's only Monday, and I'm so tired.

On the upside, I only had one can of Dr. Pepper today, and that was the only thing I had all day that was bad for me. I have decided that enough is enough. I am declaring jihad on junk food. (Except for the last three cans of Dr. Pepper in the fridge. Because I have to get rid of them, or else they'll just be in there, taunting me, all the time.) No more shit for me.

Mmmmmm... fooooooood...

I like to eat. Pretty much anything you can think of, I like to eat. Food is a gift from the gods, meant to be enjoyed and savored as well as to nourish us.

Trouble is, food is much more than sustenance to me. Food is one of my best friends.

I think about food a lot. I think about what I'm going to eat, when I'm going to eat it, how much I'm going to eat of it, how eating it will make me feel, etc. all the time. I have some serious food-related issues.

I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am frustrated. I eat when I am bored. I eat when I am depressed (hi, that's a lot, in case you were wondering). I eat when I'm hungry. I eat when I'm not hungry. I eat when I see food, just because it's there. Sometimes I eat something that I'm not really hungry for, just so that nobody else can eat it. I am territorial about food. I have been known to hide my food so that nobody else can find it. I have been known to steal other people's food and eat it, then deny it. I have been known to consume an entire pizza in a single sitting. I can eat an entire slice of pizza in three bites.

I used to be anorexic. For years in high school, I lived on Diet Coke and Camel Lights. I worked out three hours a day. I weighed 103 pounds (I'm 5'5"). I thought I looked better than I ever had or have since. I loved every minute of it. I loved the way I looked, I loved the way I felt about myself, I loved the attention I got from others, I loved the feeling of superiority I had over my bigger friends.

All through college I managed to maintain a decent weight. Not as skinny as I would have liked, by any means, but not as hefty as some people. I was a size 6 when I got married. Then I got pregnant. I gained 51 pounds when I was pregnant with the Bear. Lost it all, plus five more pounds, within about 6 months. Got pregnant with Tank, and gained 42 pounds. Lost all of it, but started going up and down with the same 5-10 pounds as my moods went up and down.

Since I left my house (February/March), I have gained over 30 pounds. I'm up to a size 12. This is the heaviest I've ever been (7+ months pregnant excepted). My face is hard to recognize. I feel like shit - sluggish, tired, easily winded on the stairs, no energy at all. I hate the way I look. I hate that I have no control over what I eat, when I eat it, how much I eat.

That's not true. I'm sure that somewhere under there, I do have the ability to control this. But right now, I feel like I can't. I feel like I'm addicted - like the food is controlling me, not vice versa. I am ugly and fat, and it's all because I use food to make myself feel better. I eat to fill the emotional hunger, not the physical hunger. And that's not right. I was going to join Weight Watchers, but the $$ factor cancelled that plan. I live with my in-laws, so I have no control over what kind of food is in the house, or what the kids and I eat. I take advantage of that. I blame my lack of self-control on the situation I'm in, on my MIL for buying crap food, on my in-laws for having awful eating habits, on anything and anyone but myself. I know I can do better than this - I just have to figure out how. I have to *make* myself. And I can. I have more willpower (usually) than most people. I quit smoking cold turkey - twice. I quit Paxil cold turkey (ugh). I went through natural childbirth - twice. I was anorexic, for Pete's sake! I know I have the willpower to make myself stop eating. I just need to find something that will fill the emotional void, once I can't use food to do it anymore.

Geez, this is rambly and disorganized. I'm just frustrated by the fat, and by my seeming inability to just put down the damn fork, already. I need to find a way to kickstart myself into losing weight. I don't want to be a supermodel. I just want to be able to zip my pants.