Well, remember how I sometimes talk about how things with Husband are less than Ideal? Like how we haven't lived in the same state in six months, or how he lives in his own little world, which is fine with me because I'm too busy dealing with my own shit to try dealing with his? Or how he's a shell of his former self?
Have I mentioned any of this?
Recently, things came to a head.
We're finally living in the same state, in the same house, again. Ever since he came back, Husband has been avoiding me. I found it very unusual for him, and it was really bugging me, but I just threw myself into work and tried not to focus on it. Eventually, things reached the point where we were seriously considering getting a divorce, because it just wasn't working. How can you spend the next eighty years of your life with someone who won't even talk to you?
Finally, as we were driving around aimlessly, trying to decide whether or not we want to get some counseling and work this out, or whether we want to call it quits, he finally tells me.
He had an affair while we were apart.
There aren't really any words to describe the way that this kind of information makes you feel. I am crushed.
There's so much more to be said here, about where our relationship is heading, about the things we're working on, about my feelings on it all, but I wanted to get this up and out there and off my chest. I've been sitting on it for five days now. Things are not all good, but things are not all bad, either.