Saturday, September 08, 2007

Well, remember how I sometimes talk about how things with Husband are less than Ideal? Like how we haven't lived in the same state in six months, or how he lives in his own little world, which is fine with me because I'm too busy dealing with my own shit to try dealing with his? Or how he's a shell of his former self?

Have I mentioned any of this?

Recently, things came to a head.

We're finally living in the same state, in the same house, again. Ever since he came back, Husband has been avoiding me. I found it very unusual for him, and it was really bugging me, but I just threw myself into work and tried not to focus on it. Eventually, things reached the point where we were seriously considering getting a divorce, because it just wasn't working. How can you spend the next eighty years of your life with someone who won't even talk to you?

Finally, as we were driving around aimlessly, trying to decide whether or not we want to get some counseling and work this out, or whether we want to call it quits, he finally tells me.

He had an affair while we were apart.

There aren't really any words to describe the way that this kind of information makes you feel. I am crushed.

There's so much more to be said here, about where our relationship is heading, about the things we're working on, about my feelings on it all, but I wanted to get this up and out there and off my chest. I've been sitting on it for five days now. Things are not all good, but things are not all bad, either.


AmyRobynne said...

I am so, so sorry.

julie said...

Oh, honey. I'm sorry too. Please let us know if there's anything we can do.

Anonymous said...

It has been seven years since he quit talking to me and he did the affair thing too (I don't think he knows that I know).

I stay because this is my home and where my kids are and because I did nothing wrong. But now I think staying was wrong and it has caused such pain and self disgust that I know I must leave. It is the hardest thing I've had to face and I could really use some help.

It may be too late for me but if you can learn from my mistake then maybe it was worth all the heartache.

God bless you and thanks for letting me get this our even if it is anonymously.

Anonymous said...

i cant believe I am going to wrote this but here goes. I can't imagine the sense of betrayal. However look at the reasons behind what he did. He was perhaps lonely, sad and lost. I think if I lost my husband and children I would go out and do the same...just to numb the pain. In the end we dont betray others we only betray ourselves. He will hurt longer than you do. In the end this is about you and what YOU need no one else. You need counselling this is not something you can do by yourself. I really believe that pain tells us something. It's told you that you love your husband. Otherwise you wouldn't care.

Anonymous said...

here is a fabulous book that I got and it totally changed my way of behaving with my husband who I nearly lost because of PND and basically I couldn't control my anger and forgive minor things...its called Coming Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma and its my bible....seriously this will ease the pain...and provide insight.