Sunday, August 24, 2008

Howdy Neighbor!

Dear New Neighbors -

Hey there! Have I mentioned how much I *love* living in your neighborhood? The kids! The families! The parks! The diversity! The unrestricted street parking! It's idyllic city living at its finest.

Say, that block party you're having looks like a boatload of fun! That makes, what, three in the last two months? I find the way you block off the street access with your cars at least once a week to be charming, a throwback to a simpler time, when kids ran wild and unsupervised through the neighbors' lawns, and fire hydrants sprayed the masses with welcome cool showers. Just like today!

In fact, one of my favorite summer staples is the off-season illegal fireworks display. Nothing lights up the night like those whistling, cracking, flashing powder-packed kegs of old-fashioned goodness, am I right? How great to stand at my bedroom window and be treated to a FREE! full-on fireworks display. Again, l-o-v-ing being your neighbor!

I am so, so sorry that I had to call the cops on you tonight. If only you had started your rockin' fireworks production BEFORE I put my two girls to bed! Hell, on a weekend, I might have even let them stay up to watch! But... tomorrow is the first day of school, after all, and I have to go back to work, too, and if they wake up One! More! Time! I may just have to slit my wrists, sooooo...

Yeah. Again, so sorry to have busted up your super-cool block party and all that. I really do love the fireworks! And you! And your charming neighborhood!

Please don't slash my tires.

Love,
Jane

5 comments:

AmyRobynne said...

Eeek! How long'd it take the cops to come break it up? I hope that didn't wake them up again. It's always impossible to fall asleep the night before the first day of school -- I can't imagine the stress of a party like that outside the window added to it.

Anonymous said...

oh boy been there. The house next door got rented out to a twenty something group of boys who thought our back yard was their party ground. They got a shock when I went out back with no makeup and a screaming child. I said " which fuckwit wants to babysit right now?" My child said "fuck" in front of nanna today. That was my payback for using the word too easily. Never mind.

Julie said...

Hey, good times! They don't know which car is yours, do they? :)

Ninotchka said...

Anonymous' comment cracked me up. LOL

Kate said...

hil-freakin-larious. This is where I am so glad I DON'T live in a neighborhood-- one with a pool and a socal committee etc.-- everytime I visit one of my girlfriends who lives in just such a "community," I get all jealous, until some drunken husband mistakes her front door for his (afterall, they do look the same) or when the house two doors down decided to kick out fireworks AND AC/DC until 2 a.m.