Dear Boy-that-I-like:
What the hell is your problem? Seriously? Why is it that you have to live so far away? What's so freaking great about New York, anyway? You can *so* get all that shit in Chicago.
You know, nobody asked you to come to that stupid party*. I didn't particularly need to meet someone that night. It's not *my* fault we were the only two single people there, or that we happened to hit it off. It's not like I meant for it to happen...
But you know, it's not only my fault. Plenty of this is your fault. You're smart. You're funny. You have a successful career. You're financially responsible. You're reasonably mature. You have a crooked smile that crinkles up your eyes. No self-respecting girl is immune to that shit.
So, there you have it. You made me like you. And now that I like you, you decide to be emotionally unavailable? I recognize the fact that you're enjoying your extended "adolescence," this easy time of no responsibility, easy money, and good times. And you have a right to it - you've gone through some shit in your day. You deserve a chance to relax and enjoy yourself.
But you should not have led me on like this. Knowing, as you know, that I've just come out of a long, difficult relationship, that I'm in an emotionally vulnerable place right now, that I like you - you could have just as easily passed, said "no thanks." You could have moved on, not called, not texted, not emailed. You didn't have to engage in this...flirtation. But you did. And in doing so, you let me feel false hope. Hope that you might like me. Hope that we might be more than just good friends who sleep together. Hope that this might lead... I have no idea where. It didn't particularly matter.
So now, now that we've entered this murky gray area, I have no idea how to proceed. I'm not used to indifference. It drives me crazy. I don't handle it very well. I can understand that I'm scary. I have kids. I have a past. I live in another time zone. All very good reasons to brush me off. But you didn't, haven't, yet, and I'm in fucking limbo over here.
Please. I am begging you. Just do something, already. Show some interest. Ditch me. At this point, I don't even care which. Anything to end this pointless stagnation. I am trying so hard to hold my ground here, not to push, not to pursue, but my willpower is slipping. I'm so tempted to call you, to email you. I won't be able to hold off much longer... Please don't make me make an ass of myself. Ditch me now and save me the trouble of caring. At this point, I'd rather escape with my self-respect intact than find romance right now.
Although, for all your shortcomings, you really are a great guy... call me?
Jane
*Except for the person who invited you, of course.
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7 comments:
geez honey relax. You don't know this guy yet. Get to know him before making plans for your heart. Your'e not in love you just met him....breathe breathe ...
You can't afford to throw your heart away so easy. Let them win you. Your the prize not the giveaway gift.
Geez, honey, something tells me that if it was as simple as being able to *choose* not to feel a certain way, most of my life would have been a lot easier. It's unfortunate that I don't seem to be able to turn my emotions on and off at will.
Teach me how I should forget to think...
The thing is your very good at thinking...tooo good. You might overthink...and yes you can master your emotions....its a life long struggle but worth pursuing....
Start learning to observe your emotions as they happen, then you can start to manage them.
You took a comment the wrong way. It was blunt...but not cruel.
Your still amazing even if you hate my comment.
Some of the best advice I've ever heard is that it's unwise to enter a serious relationship hoping that the other person will change.
You have all kinds of things to attract a good man -- you're smart, funny, beautiful, a great mom, etc., etc. If he's not ready for you yet, you may be stuck with the unfortunate question: how much are you willing to give up while you wait for him?
That last sentence sounded horribly Dear Abby-ish, but I can't think of another way to say it. I guess I just mean limbo sucks. If he won't make a move, you do what you need to do, you know?
Oh, ladies...
This is just me, saying, Gah, I hate that I found a nice boy that I have no possible chance of ever entering into any kind of romantic relationship with. I realize that it would never work, and I'm over it. Just a little sad about what *might* have been, somewhere in my mind.
Obviously, I have a tendency toward the melodramatic.
Its just amazing and so brave that your even considering a relationship...its a great sign...
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