Observations

Observed today in my doctor's office:

Myself, lying on narrow bed lined with paper, wearing a big sheet and no pants, waiting for the doctor to come back in.

Husband, standing next to my face, not looking at the sheet, trying to be cool.

Husband: "You know, scientists believe that there's a colossal squid that lives at the bottom of the ocean! They say it may grow to be as long as a football field! It attacks the whales and eats them. And you know what's crazy?! They have no idea how it reproduces!"

Me: "That's fascinating, dear. Where did you get this information?"

Husband: "On the Internet!"

Me (wiggling on scratchy paper): "You know, dear, not everything on the Internet is fact. Have they ever found one of these colossal squid?"

Husband: "No, but you know why? Because when they die, they rise up to the surface so fast that they explode! And the squid guts go everywhere! (pause) Isn't that awesome?!"

Me: "I'm so glad that you're the father of my children."

Also observed: (BEWARE - GROSSOUT FACTOR! do not read unless you want a very strange mental image.)

Stern Doctor (not my usual doctor) pokes me with a rubber-gloved finger, pulls it out and SNIFFS IT! As though it were some sort of scientific test that would enable her to prescribe me the appropriate antibiotic!

I was so freaked out and disturbed by this. I just stared at Husband, who was even more disturbed than I was. Since when is there a scientific sniff test? I was trying so hard not to laugh, I almost choked. Of all the things I've ever seen in a doctor's office, that may have been the weirdest.