Day Three

Today I go home. I spent just over 48 hours locked away in here, but I feel very different than when I came in. I have identified some of my problems, my shortcomings, things that trigger my emotional troubles, and the causes of some of my actions. I'm working on setting some goals for myself. Every day in group we set goals for the day, and at the end of the day we talk about how or whether we met our goals. My goal for today was to set some long-term goals for myself to work on "on the outside." I succeeded fairly well. My goals are to create a support network for myself - friends and family whom I can talk to about what's going on, and whom I can ask for help if I need it. Another goal is to accept help when it is offered. Also, I will spend more time helping myself, so that I can be a better mom, wife, and teacher. I never spend any time focusing on me. I'm going to start doing that more often. Finally, I'm going to work on finding ways to cope when things *don't* go as planned. What those are, I have no idea, though.

Right now, when things aren't going as planned, and I start feeling angry or anxious or overwhelmed, I'm trying to remain calm by maintaining even breathing patterns, and by distracting myself until I'm calm enough to take stock of the situation. I've been feeling a little more anxious than usual, and when I get anxious lately I cry, so I've been doing more of that than usual, too. Which is okay. It's actually kind of nice for a change. The meds I have been on made it impossible for me to cry, and crying can be a really good way to release tension. Now that I'm able to do it again, it feels kind of good. Still, it's not always a really effective way to deal with stress and mood triggers. What will I do when I go back to work? I need to find a way to cope with my emotions when I'm not at home. Must work on this.