Sunday, November 05, 2006

Home

So, I thought I was ready to come home. Now that I'm here, I'm wishing I could go back to the hospital. It's much more stressful than I anticipated it would be. It's very overwhelming, and there's so much to deal with at once that I'm really getting anxious. I stood on the front porch for ten minutes before I could come inside. Every few hours, I have to run upstairs and cry. I'm having more and more anxiety today.

I cut off my hair. I was out, and I just walked in and said, "cut it off." It looks kind of good.

I left my job. I'm taking FMLA leave for 12 weeks - I'll think about going back then. I just can't do it right now. The thought of going back to work gave me an anxiety attack today. A bad one.

Things are bleak here, but with glimmers of hope. I posted the entries I wrote while I was in the hospital and post-dated them to the dates they were written. Sorry if they're a little incoherent.

I know this barely counts as an entry for today - oh well. I haven't cried in two hours. That's a big step for today - we'll see what happens tomorrow.

3 comments:

Ninotchka said...

What a journey! Taking leave was really smart. I hope writing helps. It reads that way. Cathartic. Another good way to release tension. Keep it up and take care, you.

Julie said...

I'm glad you're home. It sounds like maybe you've turned a corner.

Best of luck!

Jane said...

Thanks guys. It's tough right now.