Can You Hear Me Now?!

Have you ever had one of those days, you know, those days, where it seems as though nobody is listening to you? At all? And that you're just a parrot, a talking head, an empty voice box repeating the same stock phrases over and over and over and OVER with various changes in inflection and tone? All to no avail? And that you might as well record yourself and put it on a loop, then pop on down to the bar and knock back a few? And then go and pound your head into the sidewalk?

Tell me you've had this day.

All I did, from the time I got up, was repeat myself. It did no good. Nobody was listening. Nothing can possibly be more maddening.

My MIL and I spent a good twenty minutes this morning searching for my black cardigan sweater(s) which she had taken from the dryer and hung up, and which are now missing in the great black hole that is this fucking house. I watched her take it out of the dryer and hang it on a wire(!) hanger. I know that it is hanging on a wire hanger, somewhere, with great big poky spots in the shoulders. We searched all over the house:

MIL: Is it on the shelf?
Me: No, it's hanging on a wire hanger.
MIL: Did you look in your drawers?
Me: No, it's hanging on a wire hanger.
MIL: Did you look in your closet?
Me: Yes, it's not there.
MIL: Did you look in your closet?
Me: Yes. It's Not There.

ad nauseum, ad infinitum. We never found the sweater(s).

At school, it's the slump between Winter Break and Spring Break, when it's crappy and cold outside and all the kids have cabin fever or spring fever or something that makes them congenitally incapable of focusing for more than two seconds together.

Them: Can we watch our movie today?
Me: No, we have work to do.
Them: Are we going to watch our movie today?
Me: No, we have work to do.
Them: Hey, it's movie day!
Me: No, we have work to do.

and later,

Me: We're going to do Activities 11 and 14.
Them: blank looks
Me (again, this time in English): We're going to do Activities 11 and 14.
Them: pick noses
Me: You. Right there. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Them: Uh, Activities 11 and 12?
Me: No. Imbecile. You. Next to him. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Them: Er, Activities 11, 12, 13, and 14? Right?
Me: No, but now that you've said that, you're going to do all four activities instead of the original two. And let that be a lesson to you about listening when someone gives directions.
Them: flipping pages randomly
Me: Activities! Eleven! Fourteen! Go! Now! Work, damn you!
Them: more blank looks

All day. All damn day. Then, when I come home:

Me: Tank, don't put that in your mouth.
Tank: puts rock in mouth
Me: Tank! Don't put that in your mouth!
Tank: contentedly chewing on rock
Me: TANK! Get that rock out of your mouth!
Tank: Don' Wanna! ::cries::

and later:

Bear: I'm so tired. I want to go to bed.
Me: Come over here so I can put your jammies on you.
Bear: wanders off
Me: Bear, come here and put your jammies on.
Bear: off in another room now
Me: Bear! Come. Here. Now. Jammies. Now. Here. Come. Get.
Bear: Huh?
Me: Sweet Merciful Jesus, child, get your ass over here before I come Get You.
Bear: I don't want to go to bed! ::cries::

All night. All damn night. I have absolutely had it with feeling like a talking head. Nobody ever listens to a word I say, and then I get all bitter and worked up about it, and nobody cares about that either. I am ready to freaking lose my shit over here. I'm going to hire a trained monkey to come in here and be my stand-in. Doubt anyone will notice.