Bridging the Great Divide

Just a brief update. Here's what's shakin' around here (apart from my gelatinous be-hind):

The Bear has learned to say "butt." She says it whilst pointing at her own. Now, I'm no prude, and I'll be surprised if that's the worst thing that she ever says, but ew! It just seems undignified for my angelic little girl to use the word "butt" to refer to that particular part of her anatomy. I am a big fan of the word "bottom" at this stage of her development, so I'm wondering where she picked this icky phrase up. Methinks we can point fingers at Daddy for this one.

I got my very first ever stretch mark on Sunday. 34 weeks to the day, it was. It's about 3/4 of an inch long, a light pinkish color, and located about 1 inch due west of the spot where my belly button used to be. Then, to my utter dismay, I found another one on the east side. Slightly longer and curved into a slight smile, just for some variety in the landscape. I will not tell you how long I cried about this, only that I had to use a hand mirror to even see the damn things because I am. so. enormous. Husband claims he can't see it, but I think he was being charitable. Lovely man.

Had my 34 week checkup the other day. Had gained no weight at all in the last two weeks, and celebrated said achievement with a foot long sandwich. Extra pickles. This brings us to a rousing 37 pounds (counting from conception, not my first office visit). The high-water mark with the Bear was 51 pounds, and my goal was to stay below that. To date, I haven't topped that, but with six weeks to go (5 weeks 3 days, really), averaging about a pound a week, that could bring us to 42-43 pounds. Ick. I'm just very, very hungry. All. the. time.

My calves, ankles, and feet are starting to swell. Not nearly as bad as last time, but I can poke a dent about 1/4 inch deep on my ankle and it will stay there for quite a while. Not attractive. Thank goodness it's still winter and I don't have to wear shorts or sandals yet.

The Great Divide, in case you were wondering, exists between my left hip and my right hip, which used to be connected and reasonably well-attached. Not so anymore. They are definitely about two inches further apart than normal, and you know that bone? The one that bridges the great divide? Well, yesterday as I attempted to get up from the bed, it snapped. Like cracking a knuckle. Only sharper. Oh, my gracious... I thought I was going to cry.

I am so ready to pop this chica out of here early. I am impatient and crabby and fat! Does anyone have any tips for things I can do to, er, speed up the process? The Bear was induced early because I was so sick, but this time I'm not, but I'm not waiting until 40 or 41 weeks if I can help it at all. So, what can I do? I'm willing to try *almost* anything. I figure once I get to 38 weeks or so, all bets are off.

Help!