Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The high cost of marital discord



Oh, the chain of events that resulted in this morning's carnage was long and complex. It all started last night...

when Husband, who works until midnight, decided to stay up until 4 am on the Internet, which

caused him to stay in bed this morning when I was up and wrangling both girls and myself into clothes, breakfast, medicines, teeth-brushing, shoes, etc., which

caused me to yell at him for being such a self-centered jackass, which

caused him to yell back (without opening his eyes), which

led into a knock-down, drag-out fight in which blunt objects were thrown, people's mothers insulted, divorce threatened, and much crying and slamming of doors, which

caused me to clean the kitchen in a frenzy of anger, including the dishes, including putting my breast pump parts on to boil, which

gave me enough time to think about our fight and realize that we should talk over our areas of concern like the rational adults we are, which

led me to make a pot of coffee as a gesture of conciliation and an invitation to mature dialogue, which

forced me to go upstairs to wake up Husband to tell him about the coffee and invite him to discuss our concerns over a cup, which

enticed Husband to invite me back into the bed for hugs, cuddles, and apologies, which meant that

we had our talk there, heedlessly disregarding the coffee downstairs, which

enabled me to nap for a bit while Husband baby-wrangled for a change, which

led to the discovery, by Husband, of my long-boiled-dry breast pump parts melted to the bottom of my favorite All-Clad saucepan, which in turn

almost burned the house down.

This, I contend, is all Husband's fault for not going to bed on time last night, and had he burned to a crisp in said bed, it would have been poetic justice well served.

5 comments:

Ninotchka said...

I'm sorry but this made me laugh. Your honesty is intoxicating! In a good way, of course. :)

Julie said...

TOTALLY his fault. No contest.

Jane said...

I know! All his fault. Not at all mine for forgetting that I had things on the stove. ::smacks forehead::

I'm glad that my personal tragedy (sniff sniff) is providing amusement for someone out there!

Oh, and he *did* offer to buy me a new pump before I go back to work - but I think I can just replace the damaged parts?

Julie said...

I don't know much about the breast pump business, but I think for my brand of pump you could buy most of the parts separately. I'm sure most brands are the same, so hopefully you can get off cheaper than replacing the whole deal.

Anonymous said...

I once did this with 5 pacifiers that I was cleaning at the end of a long week... and then I went to the mall... and dinner... when we got home the house smelled terrible and the pacifiers were gone....gone... totally melted.