Seen and heard

Things seen in my house this morning:

one (1) Avent bottle, filled with formula, uneaten;
one (1) Evenflo bottle, filled with freshly squeezed breastmilk, uneaten;
one (1) Playtex bottle with big brown rubber nipple, filled with purified water, uneaten;

one very disdainful Mouse, contentedly eating away at the only decent restaurant in town - me.*

Also seen:

me, at the Bear's school, blithely chatting with the teachers, wearing no makeup, hair and teeth unbrushed, oblivious to the fact that my fly is open, in a milk-stained sweatshirt that they have already seen me in twice this week.

Things heard in my house this morning:

Q: Why did she spit up so much?
A: I think she gagged on my nipple.**

Husband: Have a nice day with the kids.
Me: Have you ever *spent* an entire day with your kids?
Husband: No...
Me: You should try it sometime, you know, if you're in the mood for something to make you rip your eyes out and throw them at people.

Husband: I love you. You're so hot.*** (yes, he said this. yes, I did kick him in the shins.)
Me: Shut up. Bring me a Big Mac. Now.

These hormones are killing me...

*This kid will *not* take a bottle. Any kind of bottle. Filled with anything. From anyone. I go back to work on Monday.
Thoughts?
**Kid has the. most. sensitive. gag. reflex. Ever.
***Said while looking *directly at me* in the aforementioned unkempt state. The men, they are not picky.