STBE-Husband dropped the girls off tonight, and as we were sitting at the table, talking computers or something, I looked over at him and realized how much I miss him sometimes. I was just talking this afternoon with a divorced friend about the feelings of loneliness that you get, and how much you can miss the day-to-day intimacy of living with someone else. Sitting there, I got a little rush of sadness, of longing for the days when we could sit together, talk together. He has gray hairs. I love them. They're none of my concern anymore. I couldn't help wishing that things had gone differently, that we had worked through our problems, that there was still hope for us.
And then, of course, as I'm trying to get the girls to stop sobbing, it comes out that they didn't take a bath the entire weekend that they were there. And that now, at half an hour past bedtime, on a school night, I'm going to have to stick them both in the tub and get them clean, thus pushing bedtime back another half hour, which, if you're going to bring the kids home late, the least you could do would be to give them a bath first. Duh. And just like that, my moment of weakness was gone, and I remembered all the things that drove me crazy about him in the first place.
It's better this way. He is a most infuriating man. But that doesn't lessen my desire to run my fingers through his hair like I used to.