Insomnia

Oh.my.god.

Nobody is sleeping. Ever.

If you've never pulled a muscle putting a baby to bed, you've obviously never had a teething insomniac toddler sleeping in a portacrib that's only six inches off the damn ground.

If you've never threatened to spank a child to sleep, you've never met the Bear, who's lately taken to staying awake for at least three hours after I put her down, getting out of bed, crying, pottying, drinking water, reading stories, singing lullabies, throwing things... you get the picture.

If you've never drunk yourself into a stupor after the kids are asleep, you've obviously got more willpower than I do.