Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Guilt redux

Well, my day of hedonistic pleasure is officially caput. It was nice while it lasted.

I should tell you that the girls daycare/preschool had a turkey lunch today that parents were invited to attend. It's not a big fancy feast, just a sort of family sit-down thing with kids and parents. From my perspective, not a lot of parents come, because if the parents were available for lunch, then the kids probably wouldn't be in school for the day. They'd be home, together.

Long story short, I'm home all day, not at work, but the kids are at school so that I can get grading done. And relax. And grade (117 papers in the last hour and a half. I'm on a roll). I had said that I would go to the turkey-fest, and then I didn't. I didn't go. I said I would, and I didn't. I was sleeping. Soundly. With a cat. I am the world's worst mother.

I know Tank won't notice, and I'm not sure if the Bear will make a big deal of it or not. If she does, we'll have a special treat to make up for it. She gets these things.

But my MIL called, from work, specifically to ask me how it went. And when I told her I didn't go, she sounded heartbroken. Like I had let her down. Like it was some sort of huge failing. She was sad. *SHE* was sad, because *I* didn't go. Not sad that I missed out on a cute children bonding experience. No, sad for my kids because they have such an uncaring, unfeeling slacker mother. She feels sorry that my kids have me, lazy sloppy unfeeling poorly medicated crazy old me, for a mom.

And you know what? Now I feel sorry for them, too. My own mother never missed a damn thing I did. Not one. And I can't even show up to sit down and eat a turkey sandwich with two dozen three year olds.

I have to go get ready now. I have a date with my old friend, Guilt. I hope he didn't bring Anxiety with him. I'm not up for a threesome tonight, and I haven't shaved my legs.

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