I wonder how many of those hours were spent fighting, how many spent laughing, crying. I wonder how many of those days were spent apart, how many were spent entirely together. How many of those months did I spend pregnant? How many days spent sleeping? How many hours logged in the car, on the phone, in bed?
Being married is the hardest thing I've ever done. Drug-free childbirth was a cake walk compared to this. There are days I'd like to chuck it all and head for the hills. There are other days when I worry that if something happened to him, I'd die too. I love him more than anyone else on the face of the planet, and there's no one alive who can make me so incredibly angry. These 1,461 days have not been easy ones - we've fought, cried, yelled, thrown things, talked in circles all night long. We've also become incredibly close. He has seen me give birth - twice. He held my hand as I miscarried our baby. He has seen me at my ugliest and at my most lovely. He has seen me at my most vulnerable - completely broken down, ready to give up. He has taken care of me when I needed him most. He loves me in spite of my flaws.
He has also let me down more times than I can count, and has hurt me more than anyone else ever has. He has broken my trust. He has some horribly annoying habits, which he categorically refuses to change. He can be an insufferable jackass.
Nobody ever told me that marriage was going to be easy. Sure, maybe they glossed over the less-than-glamorous parts, but nobody ever promised me puppies and sunshine all the time. And that's okay. Our life is never boring.
I'm glad that we are where we are. I'm starting to think that things will be okay. I like the way my life - our life - is turning out. I'm interested to see where we'll be in another four years. Sure, we have our differences. But I love him more than I have ever loved anyone, and I know that he loves me, too. I wouldn't trade the experience of the last four years for anything. I may not be a perfect wife, and he may not be a perfect husband, but we belong to each other, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters to me.