Monday, November 19, 2007

I'm IT

Because Summer tagged me:

7 Random Things About Me (In No Particular Order)

1. I have been considering shaving my head for the last three months. Seriously. I have the worst hair in the known Universe. I figure if I shave it all off, maybe it will grow back in better?

2. I was engaged to a different Boy when I met Husband (again). I broke it off with him, and the rest (as they say) is History. Only very rarely do I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't done that.

3. I have always wished I was *older* than I am. I *look* a lot younger than I actually am. I hate that. I feel old. I want to look it, too. (I'm sure when I hit 40 I'll change my tune.)

4. On more than one occasion, I have wanted to smack one of my students for being a shit. I content myself with counting slowly to ten, and imagining mean things in my head.

5. Husband has a foot fetish. He, um, likes feet. A lot. I'm down with that. And yet, paradoxically, I can't get him to actually rub my feet when they're sore and hurting and tired. Why is this?

6. I own a girdle. I have been known to wear it in order to fit into certain clothes without busting out the muffin top.

7. I have kleptomaniacal tendencies. Hide the valuables, kids. Just sayin'.

If you want to play, consider yourself tagged and leave a link in the comments. Lots of people have already done this one - not sure if I can think of seven people who haven't!

And now - THREE!

Things that come in threes:

Cry-ers. I made three separate people cry today. Or, more accurately, they made themselves cry. I was just there, and they happened to blame it on me. It's not my fault if you A) forgot you had a quiz today; B) ran and yelled in the hall after I told you not to and ended up in detention; or C) got written up for your third uniform violation, which is going to result in a detention, which totally isn't fair, because it's your mom's fault you didn't get dressed right in the morning, and then your mean old (young) teacher gave you homework for tonight even though technically you weren't supposed to have homework in any classes tonight, but tough shit, you pissed me off and now you have to pay. Really. None of these were my fault. Swear.

Also in threes: nipples. Yesterday, the Bear was in the tub and looked down at her chest.

What are these?

Um, well, those are nipples. When you grow up and have a baby, and it's hungry, that's where the milk comes out. Remember when Tank was a baby, and she had mommy milk?

I remember that!

Yes, well, that's what nipples are for.

She was, of course, fascinated. I had to distract her because she kept pinching them and laughing. (Somewhere, Husband is freaking out just thinking about that.)

Then, later, she was sitting around as I was putting on my pajama top, when, LOOK!

"NIBBLES!" she exclaimed.

Um, yeah. You could call them that, too...

The irony of that is not lost on me. At all. In fact, I'm thinking of renaming mine. Sounds like a tasty snack, no?

Finally, on the radio this morning, the DJ was taking a call from a guy in Naples, FL. You know how they always say "so-and-so, from Naples" before they come on? Well, the DJ said that, and then he was all, like, holy shit, what a crazy name for a town, I can't believe you're from Naples! You mean Naples, like on boobs? And his female cohort was all like, dumbass, those are *nipples*. Naples is a town in Florida - nipples are on your chest.

I guess that story is only funny if you know that it all took place in Spanish. Because, duh, in Enlish it's just not remotely amusing. Just dumb. Somehow, though, with the language confusion, it was hilarious. I can see where "nipples" and "Naples" sound very similar to someone whose first language isn't English.

So, there you have it. Three references to nipples, and three people made to cry. Plus a meme!

My work here is done.

*Or at least, I used to look, before having children made me all haggard and shit.

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